I've been doing so horrible... I thought hanging out with my friends would stop me from binging but instead it caused me to :/ We made a bonfire and made smores and I ate so many..........
I can't stop binging, and I hate that I know I should stop, but I can't stop myself. My lack of control makes me feel so worthless and I've been crying for the past few days.
I asked my boyfriend to help me find somewhere I can get help when he comes back to where I live, which is in 2 months.
He tells me his dad can help me, since he has a masters degree in psychology. I told him why would I want his dad to help me when I should be trying to impress him. My boyfriend doesn't understand. It's so much easier being able to talk to someone I don't know and someone I don't have to make any impressions on.
It's so stressing when the only person you can tell doesn't understand... All he tells me is that I should run or exercise. I already KNOW I should but I just don't want to. So I feel as if he's telling me it's MY fault. That everything is my fault. I know it is though. I know.
I feel like i'm going to explode soon. There's just so much feelings I can hold back at once, and lately It's getting worse as I keep doing worse.
Oh honey I'm so sorry to read this.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta know, we've all been there! I know how you are feeling and I hope you take some comfort in that. Your boyfriend might not understand it, but so many people do!!! I know how futile it would be to tell you to wait the next 2 months out, but that's not an answer. Firstly, stop beating yourself up about not "wanting" to do what you know you "should". They're not the truth. You can't, for a good reason. What you SHOULD do is remember how important it is that you get better, not worry about doing what other people expect.
Try to focus your energy on things that bring you a little happiness. Listen to music that makes you feel safe or happy, read a book, watch your favourite movie, do a good deed, anything that makes you feel just a little bit good!! Don't feel guilty about that time you spend on yourself. It's IMPORTANT for you. And if you get sad, have a cry!! It's the most natural thing!! A little trick I used to have was to write a list of things I was grateful for, or one of things I liked about myself.
Thank you so much. I guess that's what i've been waiting to hear. "Remember how important it is that you get better." I feel much better now that i've heard those words and thank you so much for this comment.
DeleteYou don't know how much better it made me feel.
:)
Pressed publish before I signed off.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon! It WILL get better! :)
Hope xx
I can't imagine how frustrating it is to have a bf who doesn't really understand what you're going through but thinks he does. I mean, telling you to exercise like that will erase all the anxiety from binging... it's unfortunate but sometimes people just don't get it. Maybe they don't want to get it, don't want to think about it. But you do understand what you're going through. So listen to what you need. Feeling and getting better is the most important thing you can do for yourself.
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm completely in agreement with seeing someone you don't know. It would be very very weird to see your bf's dad as a therapist or something like that.
I definitely think you should find someone else. There are plenty of professionals out there. You can't limit yourself to one person. If you want help, there are plenty of places. I know I had to feel comfortable with the therapists I went to. Let me know if you ever want to talk
ReplyDeletestickthin8@gmail.com