Monday, March 11, 2013

All but mere imagination

Yes, I've had a bad day. I'm not too upset now about it, but I probably will be tomorrow when I see a bigger bump as a do everyday.

Everything sounds so perfect in my mind. I can't seem to make it into reality when it all seems just so simple.

I imagine the healthy foods I'll eat everyday and snack on fruits and yogurt instead of chocolates and peanut butter.
I imagine how fun it'll be and how good I would feel after a day of all healthyness.
I imagine how I used to feel when I was skinny and no bump when I looked down.
I imagine eating only a bit of the sugary snacks and soon stopping myself from binging.
I imagine that when I do binge, i'll have someone to go to to talk about it.
I imagine telling them how I'm struggling everyday with food always on my mind.
I imagine asking for help.
I imagine getting help.

Whenever I'm away from this blog, I feel as if I'm normal. What I do and think everyday is normal.
I was just looking away from the truth. This isn't normal.

Will we ever be normal again?

By the way, have any of you ever asked for help, but didn't get the response you were hoping for?

1 comment:

  1. You can talk about it.
    I have never been to an OA meeting but it says on their website that when you join you get a sponsor- someone who you can text or reach at any time and ask for help to stop binging. (obviously I don't think you're overweight, but apparently lots of people with EDs attend them)
    Just an idea!

    When I asked my parents for help, they were more than willing to do what I told them to do, except they didn't really want to think about the fact that I had an ED. They didn't change the food they were buying, they didn't try to prevent me from purging... and I just felt like they didn't care. Even though they do, a lot. So I guess yes, in a way. But I still say reach out. I got a great response from my bf.