Thursday, December 20, 2012

Eating but I feel great

As you guys have read, if you do read, I'm visiting my boyfriend that I've been doing long distance with : )
It's really great, the happiness you get when your back in the arms of your lover after all the months you spent without them. It's indescribable. Almost addicting, as much as I hate long distance : )

Back to the title though. I was supposed to be doing a fast with my beautiful friend That Girl. I ended up eating mini pretzels, a banana, and bread the cabin attendants handed out so abruptly. Not trying to insult anyone but the american attendants are really rude. I did turn down the 2 meals they served though. *Pats back* :)

There was this other girl who sat in the row in front of me and she also declined all the meals! I know I'm being judgmental but she was very thin and I could just sort of feel it, ya know? But I got this rush of emotions, as if reality slapped me in the face. I'm not alone. It was a sort of a weird happiness plus sadness. I guess a bit of relief too.

I've seen girls with anorexia. Skinny to the bones. I always stare. Not in a rude way, but just curiosity. How does she do it? What is her life like at home? How does she feel with all the eyes focused on her everytime she goes out? Good? Bad?
Then I wonder if I'll ever be like that. I was a bit jealous when my mom worried about her haha How cruel of me when I know what that girls been through.

Ahhh, getting of topic. Okay to get to the point. I've been eating here and then BUT surprisingly,  I'm controlling myself. My boyfriend made a batch of waffle. I only ate about a half of a big one : ) and I wasn't wanting for more. I think it's thanks to being at someone elses house. I can't look gross infront of his parent or HIM.
I'm very excited about the rest of the month that im going to be here. Being able to control. It's great. It really is. Ive missed it.

Goodluck to the rest of you during the holidays^_^


  1. It's a great feeling; being in control! For some reason I always feel better when I see other people with obvious food issues. I mean I'm sad for them, I wouldn't wish an ED on anyone, but its comforting to know my thoughts are shared by others.

    Hence the blog! :)

    Have fun with your boyfriend!


    1. It is really comforting : ) But yes, as much as I don't want anyone to go through what we do.

      Thank you lovely<3

  2. That's great that you feel in control!
    I see anorexic people too, and I always wonder what they would do if I walked over and told them I had an eating disorder.
    I sometimes wish I could walk in on someone purging, because then I wouldn't be alone with bulimia. You can't spot it in people by sight, so I feel as if I'm the only one with it on campus.

    1. Yes, I sometimes wish it too because simply asking someone can be rude if they weren't struggling with ED.
      It's scary though, to imagine how many close to you might share our problems.
      They probably don't suspect a thing on us as we dont them... Scary!

  3. So glad I ran across your blog, you sound so sweet it's a joy to read! I did the long distance thing before I know exactly what you mean!!
    I've had ana friends in real life and it's suprising how similar our lives and thoughts are. Drama in the past, always.
    I don't think it's bad to be jealous. It's like if you're working hard to buy a horse and you see someone else riding one. It's a normal feeling. :)
    Wishing you the best of luck!! xoxo

    1. You just made me feel a whole lot better : )
      That must've been nice! To have friends who share the same thoughts. I'm jelly!

      Thank you for following<3